Writer's Block: Crazy in Love
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for love?

Wouldnt call it crazy, but I met someone over the internet, fell for him and met the next week. We moved in together in less than a month. Been married 5 years now..Awesome.

From My Space Blog#2
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom

Monday, December 28, 2009 

Current mood:  ashamed
Category: Life
I just want to start out by saying I have come along way in the last few years. I was once a very angry and vengeful person. I have learned to not be so much like that anymore. It was making me sick~ physically and mentally. I live a much happier life now that I dont allow others to cloud my judgement and control my actions. My family on the other hand cant seem to grasp the point that living your life constantly trying to 1-up someone, get revenge, lie, steal, deceive just so you can get what you want( which is basically material things that when you die guess where they are going to ~~yup the scrap heap.) and they are pissed because I wont do their malicious bidding anymore. So Im a changed person~ so freaking what. I ask is it better to live happy or die a miserable old bitch nobody wants in their life?! I have tried very hard to rid myself of toxic ppl. I dont speak to them, I dont associate with them, I go out of my way to avoid them. What do they?? come on here and run me in the dirt. Oh they do it in a sneaky guess who Im talking about bs way. But come everyone knows who you mean. Oh yeah here's a kicker, they expect me to apologize to them. For what you ask> good question. Ummm lets start with trying to control their own grown children and who they see, nope that would be them. Ok how about forcing your son to return a birthday card..nope them again. Ok, mm lets try~ oh yeah making friends with your ex who beat and forcibly raped you at gunpoint..Yeah that would be them too. Than theres the its my land deal with me not her, oh did you forget the land was in MY NAME? I wont apologize for wanting to stop the freaking bullshit and always at each others throat merry go round crap they call a life. I live for every 6 months these days. Not everyone knows this but I found a lump last spring in my breast. They are watching it, I go every 6 months to a cancer doctor. It kinda gives you a new perspective on things like family. I cherish the ones who have ALWAYS been there for me and not because they had a hidden agenda, using me for their wants basically. For those of you who only come on here to make yourself feel real good about being drunk and on pills all the time and than writing malicious comments. You are so right you dont realize how it is going to come back on you. Who knows maybe I will die badly like you want me to. But than again, you might be setting the field for your own death too ever think of that? Of course not, ppl like you think of their needs, wants and the hell  with others. I will no longer be used for someone elses gain. I have children, gandchildren and some on the way I want to show how much of a better person I can be by not falling into your trap AGAIN. I will look at your comments, sadly shake myhead and how ill you are and obviously have no one will gives shit. I on the other hand have ppl who care about me, love me and are willing to stand beside me~~not behind me waiting for the right time when you finally go away and they can be happy once again~without you in their lives. Isnt it better to be loved than JUST TOLERATED?!


From My Space Blog
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom
Thursday, December 31, 2009 

Current mood:  accomplished
Well it looks like I hit the nail on the head this time. Cover your tracks but the evidence has already been collected and you cant erase that. Im a bit confused though, why block me, change your name than want to be on my friends list. Who's keeping tabs on who? hmmm... I think we are in the state of denial not PA. Oh yeah, what would the cops(copes?) do to me, because Im not the one writing nasty shit, leaving suicide notes, and threatening ppl. Erase it go ahead. Ppl on here have already seen it, and I have copies. You need help, please get it before someone innocent gets hurt and Im not meaning me. I realized when I needed help, when not only myself suffered but everyone around me. You want to give the grandparents what they wanted well here goes. What they wanted was for ALL of us to enjoy what they work for peacefully and together. Not one trying to take everything for themselves, or take what they wanted w/o asking the others and YES not trying to control each other or what they have. THIS is their legacy: family getting along together and being there for each other. This will never happen because NO ONE can stop being queen bitch/boss long enough to let it happen. THAT is why I am where I am, did what I did. The only one who is upset about my decision is the ones who wanted to control me into doing their bidding. I have a family its not you. My husband and children are. When you decide you are going to STOP being such a controlling bitch who wants it all for herself, Let me know, in the meantime~ leave me AND MY CHILDREN ALONE!! You want no contact, Ive been doing it. Now do what you expect of me. The only reason you talk to my kids is to say nana nana boo boo. Grow the FUCK UP! Your kissing the others ass so you can get what you want when mom dies, (YA THINK? LOL) A year or 2 ago you were slapping each other around now your best buds. I hope that works out for you. I will leave this world knowing I try my best and gave my real family what they really need ME. Material things will rot and be sold, think about that. You honestly think your kids are going to keep shit that they know YOU broke a family apart to acheive?? Pap and Mamal would be ashamed of all of you. As am I. I am ashamed of myself for letting it go this long. Mamal always said if you cant be happy with it, sell it. You had no plans to let me be happy, everytime I tried to get ahead you called or talked to someone telling them I had no right to YOUR PROPERTY! Do you want me to get the list of ppl who I had to show a deed to to prove it? I am sick of your behavior, sick of your attitude and sick that I am related to such a selfish I can do no wrong, blame others for their lousy life instead of themselves person. You cant get along with your neighbors because you move property lines(and yes I have proof). You cant get along with your husband because he is tired of living with a bitchy, whiney, blamey, angry person all the time. You cant see to reason. You have one agenda. YOU YOU YOU. You claim your doing this to pass down like they wanted, do you honestly think they wanted you to pass down things you took w/o asking or this kind of family turmoil? STOP THE CRAP. Im not the only one sick of it. Your kids roll their eyes and tune you out, your husband hides in the garage. Stop and think about how unhappy everyone in your house is because you cant get off your freaking bandwagon long enough to get along SINCERLY with everyone instead of trying to stab them in the back. You started stabbing me in the back long before I even had the land in my name. You think I didnt catch on? I may have pretended I didnt know but I wasnt stupid. I had to do something to protect myself and my kids. I hope and pray some how you stop your addictions long enough to wake up before its too late. Deny it go ahead. The proof has already been gathered and you CANT cover that up or deny it. Happy New Year. I know it will be for me. I dont have toxic ppl constantly calling me, getting me down or depressing me. I have real love and family affection~ DO YOU? Or perhaps you just think you do and they are pretending just as I once did.


Just another day in paradise
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom
I am so glad the holidays are over. My stepson has been here for over a week and what a week it has been. I really didnt get to enjoy spending quality time with Dyl like I wanted to.  I had to discipline him more than I usually do. Mind you this kid is 17 versus my 5 yr old.  Dyl does something he doesnt like or wants to play a game and he doesnt and he whines. Typical. I try to point this out but nothing gets done. Everyone treats him like he's 2 and can do no wrong. I like the kid, dont get me wrong, just dont like the way he has been raised to believe he's the only one that counts and can have is own way all the time. Especially when I raise Dyl differently. Oh and theres his freaking no good mother. Calling everyday like she gives a shit. This is a mother who put her 2 children in a state run boarding school so she can have a social life plus collect child support on top of it. I really cant wait until he is 18 and on his own. Maybe than my life will not be so screwed up by someone elses selfishness. Got enough of that from my own family. LOL.

Writer's Block: Like mobile for chocolate
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom
If you had to give up either chocolate or your mobile phone forever, which would you sacrifice?

No brainer. Im diabetic and chocolate gives me migraines. LOL

This is the malicious quiz my sister posted on my space
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom

When confronted she claims she was talking about another sister she has. Unfortunately that sister has an initial that begins with T. So you can see where Im coming from. I know sick people tend to *block out* certain things but I think in this case, she is using that as a way for ppl to overlook her dirty deeds. SHe knows and remembers exactly what she says and does. When confronted with proof she lies to make herself the good guy/poor victim being attacked by the big bad sister and me the mean selfish bitch. I was told that she acts this way because she cant stand that I am a better person or trying to be and she wants desperately to be that way but cant(jealous?) Im not sure, I find it hard to believe having been treated as poorly by my family and past realtionships that anyone could ever be jealous of me in anyway.
Here is the link if you are interested:
http://profile.myspace.com/Modules/Applications/Pages/Canvas.aspx?appId=135553&appParams=%7B%22quiz_id%22:3749391,%20%22from%22:%22NQA%22%7D 
She also created a super tag and entiled me as a super bitch which I deleted. Than wrote a comment saying dont trust your sister she will stab you in the back and use you to get what she wants(this was deleted just yesterday from her profile along with other incriminating things). I was smart I made printouts of the things she has done for future refernce. Im not a rocket scientist but everything she pretty much accuses me of, is exactly what she is either doing herself or has done towards me and others.
I have tried very hard to not think about the things she does and says but sometimes it is impossible when you come on the interent and its staring you in the face for the whole world to judge you by. They listen to her crying but dont think to ask me what my side is. The thing that breaks my heart the most is the fact that I once thought of her as my best friend. She was not only family. She was the one person I thought above everyone I could always count on. I try to think back to why she would turn on me and why. She can blame it on the fact that I sold my share of the family farm but it started long before that and I dont know why. She is too selfish and only thinks of herself to come out with the reason. I have several. The fact that she was going behind my back and telling me ex things about my life that was none of his business(considering there is a PFA on file) is just one. When I did get the deed to the farm in my name she was constantly trying to stop me from building there. Everytime I tried to do something to get my house built she would tell ppl she owned it. She even went as far to try to sell firewood to someone and keep the money claiming it belonged to her. She claims I owe her money.(I have canceled checks) She claims she paid my portion of the bills when in reality she used money I gave her to pay those bills which means I paid my share and hers. She threatened a logger I tried to hire to get rid of this wood over the phone(with bodily and property damage threats). Her husband couldnt figure out why this guy wouldnt return his phone calls.(gee) Whenever I tried to talk to someone about something and they thought she was involved I wouldnt get results. When I said its just me than they would talk to me. Not hard to figure out now is it. When I tell ppl these things they brush it off, and I know what they are thinking Im just making this stuff up because Im pissed at her or Im trying to be a bitch and get revenge but Im not. Its the truth, and I have written proof. I have several returned birthday and christmas cards with nasty comments. Oh yeah she even wrote she moved and left no forwarding address on one(LOL). How blind do you have to be to not see what I do? I just dont get why her husband and kids tolerate this behavior and allow her to get away with it. If I thought for one minute they would honstly listen to what I had to say and believe me I would ask that we confront her. Hiding behind her behavior is just enabling it to get worse. I believe if confronted by the right ppl she could be persuaded to get real help. I could go on all day about her diferent behaviors. like when 6 years ago she came up with the I have MS health issue. i didnt beleive it because I know someone who does and she had none of even one of their symptoms. I kep telling ppl I knew she doesnt have it. i think she has something mental going on. Guess what? a cpl months ago, all of a sudden she is cured of MS and now has parkinson disease. Clearly my constant confronting of her fake illness hit a nerve, she had to make up a new one to get ppl's sympathy and have an escape goat for her menatlly ill  behaviors. I would welcome comments and suggestions as to how to handle what she says and does from you. I have noticed when I post things on my space that she doesnt like that is the truth she gets very defensive. Are we scared perhaps?

My life
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom
What a year last year was. So glad its over. I am looking forward to embracing new things and better ppl in my life. My family(outside my husband and kids) is a total loss as far as Im concerned. No matter what I say or do. They are right and I am wrong. But they can do and say the same things and its ok. They are in the state of denial. Constantly trying to one-up each other, steal, lie and at each others throats. They play one against the other. They use each other to get what they want and dont even ealize they are doing it. They are twisted, sick, demented and need help(professional). Here comes the denial part. I am the cause of their problems. Not them and their behavior~ just little ole me. Now I am not totally guilt free. I have allowed their behavior and  their actions to control me into doing their bidding mostly for evil purposes beacuse I would feel guilty if I didnt help them or side with them. What I mean by evil  is what I said before abou playingt one against the other. I was getting very sick because of living this constant merry-go-around of crap they called a life. I was unhappy, angry and miserable most of the time. It was taking a toll on my emotional and physical health. I got a wake-up call and decided to stop living this way. Thats when the real problems with them started. They cant handle that I dont want to live this way anymore and help them in their evil plots to get revenge, be spiteful and steal from each other. They refuse to accept this and the fact that their actions harbor on the edge of mental instability along with their substance abuses. Nothing at this point that I say will help them see this.I am not trying to control them as they did me. Just make them understand, they are sick in so many ways. They need help to get over their anger and addictions just as I did, And this constant round and round of anger and revenge is not only killing them slowly but has killed all trust I ever had in them as a friend and family member. My one sister has used the internet social website My Space has a way to *anonymously* tag me. She doesnt mention my name just an initial. She made up a quiz entitled is my sister a bitch. When I casually mentioned this in a blog w/o using names she denied everything. She denies she is an alcoholic. Claims she hasnt drank in 3 years, when you look at her status mgs she is either drinking, drunk or going for beer and mostly depressed. Again she denies it and blames me for ruining her *online* fun. Claiming it was a game she was playing and was not doing the real thing. I am the cause of all her misery according to her. She recently this summer had the nerve to force her physically ill son who is a teenager to write my name on an envelope that contained a birthday card I sent him, informing me I was to not have any contact with her, her family(including grown children who dont live with her) and to stop sending anything to her daughter at her in laws address. While at the same time she has contact with my pregnant daughter saying things like your invited to such and such but your mom isnt. She has developed a so called relationship with my ex who was physically abusive to me and his daughter. Inviting him to her house and functions. So tell me after reading only a glimpse into what I have had to deal with for the past 3 years, does she have a problem or not?

My life
Me Dec 09
pickles_mom

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